Morning Huddle
"So, uh, I guess, I'll see you around," She smirked and tucked her hair behind her hair.
Nick smiled, his braces freshly tightened. He felt himself blushed and looked down. When she walked away her tennis skirt swayed with her and he felt the lust of a man for the first time.
Back at his locker, he put away his books. His heart beating from the opportunity he had in front of him. All his friends were there, asking him about his conversation with the girl they all wanted.
"It really wasn't that big of a deal, she just said she wanted to hang," Nick tried to act cool.
"Are you kidding me?" geeked one of his friends, "how are you going to ask her out? Where are you going to take her? You know she's into high school guys!"
"No she's not. She's been talking to me for weeks."
His friends looked at each other and shook their heads,
Nick continued, "I'll probably take her to a movie, I'll tell my parents I'm going to the mall and walk over there." Nick slammed his locker after spraying his mall cologne. As they started to walk, he continued to talk about his plans. He contemplated whether he would go to a scary movie or a romantic comedy. Whether he would get popcorn and risk getting it stuck in his teeth. He continued to babble until he felt his friend jolt to a stop. He turned around and found them peering into the gym behind him - jaws open.
Nick walked backward slowly and looked in.
There was Isabella.
There was Isabella tongue fucking Peter.
Commissioner's Corner
Dear people of NFFL,
Hot a bad case of the “what’s it even for” this week. Scumps put me in a mood by beating me last week and then sending out the newsletter at 5 am like a blundering baboon.
Tonight as I write this, I watch Zack Moss, and the world's worst QB Trevor Lawerenc,e bring me to ruin against the Montague.
I had a thought today: why is Bryce so eager to always be treasurer of our league? I like to think he uses our funds to gamble, and for him it’s a nice little adrenaline where he either wins money without us knowing from the fund, or he looses it and has to let his wife cuck him to take 600$ from their child’s college fund to pay the league.
- Scumps godamn you for losing the Isabella.
- At time of writing, I am going to lose miserably to Zach.
- I hope beadle wins tonight so the Clangers can continue to be “one of us”
- Crit might win against squirt but unlikely
- Bruce with an outstanding squad this week
- Daddy’s performance this week makes me think the hype was for naught.
Have a great shit licking week.
Commish
Tears and Jeers
Tears
"Caleb is painting his nails so black right now... with little skulls on each nail." - Bryce Maurer
"My team has so much potential but the owner's fucking autistic as hell" - Crit Maurer
"I might be cursed" - Peter Maurer
"AR is officially a fraud." - Nick Sowell
"Made a good trade early in the year and my team is still 0-3" - Branden Knorr
Jeers
"Clang Gang coming!" - Branden Knorr
"Good Karma always coems back around, just keep your head down and grind kings." - Nick Sowell
"Looks like the Isabella is staying home for a second straight year" - Peter Maurer
"Great first win, Pete!" - Nick Sowell
"For only his 19th game as the starting QB since high school I'd say he's doing alright" - Conor Handlogten
Power Rankings
1. Heading for the Hills (-) | Another spot up for the old sport. A great week's performance shows consistency in their rise. |
2. Fuck Peter Harlan Mau (+1) | Another solid team performance by the FPHM. The squad is looking strong. |
3. Daddy (-1) | Daddy gets the win; however, with Tua out the upside for Achane isn't there AS MUCH. The Stevenson disappearing act is a little worrisome. |
4. S Q U I R T L O C K E R(+3) | Squirtlocker is doing a good job managing. RB2 is still a mystery for him but his WR core is anchoring his team. |
5. Pacheck it out! (-) | Bryce gets his first win and is the highest scorer of the week, so it's not super fair he stays put; but that's the nature of the beast. Keep winning! |
6. Milky Cream Dream Team (-2) | Con's team had a stinker this week, he drops in the power rankings but still has the horsecock to finish the job, I think. |
7. The Not Total shit Fowls (+4) | Highest riser of the week! Giving yourself a little hope for the playoffs. |
8. Scumper's Thumpers (-1) | The next two weeks, with injuries, looks rough. At full strength I love the roster. For now, with a stinker and a loss, Thumpers drop another. |
9. Hiff Clangers (+1) | I know Brando lost this week but he has one of the highest PA (3rd). I think there's birghter days ahead. |
10. Sreamin' Mean Dean (-2) | The opposite is true for Dean's squad with one of the lowest PA in the league and still with a 1-2 record. |
11. Diggs 4 Puka Shells (-6) | Unc had a solid week last week, he came back to earth this week. If JSN performed I would have considered not dropping him as low. |
12. The Whittakers (-) | While Pete beat me this week, Chode Hubbard had a career day and Dak scored 20 points in the last 5 minutes of the game. I would fluke that. |
Pete's Pecker
Peters Peckers Picks 11-7 now I fucking blow.
-Anytime - Judkins vs MSU
Insight: Spartans can’t stop the run.
-Spread - BYU +3.5
Insight: Mormons are soaking hot right now
-ML- Alabama
Insight: Feeling cocky.
NFL
-Anytime - Dobbins
Insight: Chargers are gonna play pissed off run it down your throat fuck you football.
-Spread - Vikings +2.5
Insight: Vikings might be good?
-ML - Steelers
Insight: for Brando and Eric #Stillers
Full parlay $5-136 (Without Anytimes since it’s too early)
Trade Talk With Nick Sowell
Salutations Scumbags,
It’s me, the second most hated fantasy manager, Nick Sowell, here to deliver the first edition of Trade Talk. In this segment, you guys send in different trade requests that you receive throughout the week and I’ll give them an honest, polite, respectful, and professional review.
This being the first week of Trade Talk, we had quite a few juicy trade proposals submitted, so apologies if I wasn’t able include yours.
Again I’m going to be as professional, polite, and respectful as I can, so let’s jump right in!
Brycetermau —> BeefPapi
This one is fucking disgusting, and the measly $7 in FAAB is a massive disrespect to Beefs intelligence. To me, it looks like Bryce was operating under the assumption that Beef has the football IQ of a toddler by offering a 1 for 1 wide receiver swap for one of the best WRs in the league. I think I would have been more lenient here if Bryce had offered a solid RB, however this is basically the real life equivalent of Bryce offering a piece of human feces + seven loose dollar bills in return for a diamond ring.
I’m going to give this one a 8/10 on the dumbass trade scale.
nickv7991 —> Bknorr
This one requires some deeper thought because from a surface level this isn’t the worst trade request in the world. That being said, it is week 4, and any trade analyzer you run this through shows a monster fleece from an overall value perspective. Nick didn’t even have the decency to offer a 2nd player to make up some of the difference in overall value. Tony Pollard is on a brand new team and there is a very strong possibility that we are going to see some variance in value through the rest of the season. Could have been worse, but I would love to see a trade like this to be a little more mutually beneficial.
Putting this down as a 5/10 on the dumbass trade scale.
Brycetermau —> Jmann11691
Just another abhorrent trade request by Bryce — This almost left me speechless to be honest. Again, I think it’s important to keep in mind that at the time of this trade request we were only 2 weeks into the season, and I hope to god he didn’t send this post week 1. Nothing says “I think you are dumb as a box of rocks” like offering two tier 7 players in return for two tier 1 players (for the same exact positions). If I were Joe B here, I would block Bryce in every communication platform and place a trade embargo on him for the rest of the year.
I’m going to give this a 9/10 on the dumbass trade scale.
Brycetermau —> Cspray1
Bruceeeee babyyyyyyy what are we doing? Not sure what else there is left to say. Bellcow back for a make a wish RB and some fun bucks? This one speaks for itself
7/10 on dumbass trade scale.
Conclusion
I think it goes without saying that Bruce wins our Worst Trader of the Week award with this performance.
Here’s to another great next week, and please send your dumbass trade proposals my way for next week’s edition!
Best,
The Squirtlocker
Crit's Thoughts
I might genuinely have a shot at the playoffs this year.
Guest Picker: Rachel Prowse (First Lady of the Commish)
Screamin Queen Dean Vs. Fuck Peter Harlan Mau
Fuck Peter Harlan Mau because with a name like that you’re always winning.
Screamin Queen Dean Vs. Fuck Peter Harlan Mau
0%Screamin' Queen Dean
0%Fuck Peter Harlan Mau
Scumper’s Thumpers Vs. Pacheck it Out!
Pacheck it Out! bc Scumpers’ bench sucks.
Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Pacheck it Out!
0%Scumper's Thumpers
0%Pacheck it Out!
The Whittakers Vs. The Not Total Shit Fowls
The Not Total Shit Fowls because The Whittakers sucks.
The Whittakers Vs. The Not Total Shit Fowls
0%The Whittakers
0%The Not Total Shit Fowls
Squirtlocker Vs. Diggs 4 Puka Shells
Squirtlocker because their numbers are higher.
The Squirtlocker Vs. Diggs 4 Puka Shells
0%The Squirtlocker
0%Diggs 4 Puka Shells
Heading for the Hills Vs. Daddy
Heading for the Hills because Daddy has someone injured listed as a starter get it together man.
Heading for the Hills Vs. Daddy
0%Heading for the Hills
0%Daddy
🌟GotW: Clangers Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team
Milky Cream Dream Team because I like Con more than Branden.
Hif Clangers Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team
0%Hiff Clangers
0%Milky Cream Dream team
Fantasy Meme of the Week
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