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  • Writer's pictureChristopher Spray

Serious XM

1. Ext - George's Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

It's a rainy Monday morning and George is stuck in traffic. 20 minutes late to work, he dampens down his anxiety with a Stanley full of piping hot, 'Dunkin' Original Blend'. Leaning against the window, he curses his wife for forcing the purchase of the Keurig, wincing as he remembers throwing away his stove top coffee press.George is an over-the-top facial emotion, easy to read kind of guy.


2. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

Light pop music plays in the background - 'Cry your heart out' by Adele is on. We watch George rub his face awake, sip his coffee, spill a bit and wipes it off his seatbelt in a frustrated manner.


George

Ah, shit!


George rests his arm back up on the window, glancing around at the other drivers sitting at a complete standstill around him. Growing impatient, his eyes glaze over, mind drifting as he loses focus. He drifts back into focus and his eyes land on the Sirius XM sticker in the corner of his window. Anger flushes over him as he remembers he forgot to cancel his membership, we see him pull out his phone and set a reminder ' cancel Sirius XM subscription'


George looks over at the radio and grunts


George

Might as well...


George flicks on Sirius XM and it blares out pop music


George

Ahh, Jesus WEPT!


George quickly turns the music down - and flicks the channel to a talk show.


Advertisement Voice Actor

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Advertisement continues in background and George relaxes back into his seat and closes his eyes.


3. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Cameras up on Carol in the studio, she is stacking papers on her desk and doing some voice and mouth exercises.


Carol

Bow! Bow! Bow! Prrrrrrrrrrrrrabt! Prrrrrrrrrrrabt! Skee-chow! Skee-chow! cont.


4. Int - Producer's side of the glass, Studio - NY, NY - Morning


Producer Mike fiddles with a few nobs on the audio controls, 'On-air' sign in the background is turned off. He raises his eyebrows and looks at Carol, putting his hand in the air so she looks up, while pressing the mic button with the other hand.


Camera flips between Carol and Mike from here out depending on dialogue.


Mike

Back in 30 seconds Carol


Carol

Thank you Mike - ready to go. I'd like you to give me about 30 seconds to riff and intro in our next caller - make sure we have the lines ready to go.


Mike

Sounds good, lines 1-4 flashing now.


Carol straightens up in her chair and fixes the mic to the correct height and flashes a thumbs up to Mike.


Mike

And back in 3, 2, 1...


Carol

Welcome back listeners to Carol in the morning and hopefully our 8:00 crowd made it in on time to the ole cubicle! Welcome in 9:00 commuters, we've got a great show planned out for you this hour!


Mike looks to be checking levels and gives Carol the 'A-ok' signal from the other side of the glass.


Carol

This morning we are going to be hearing from a few very special guests... YOU! It's a fan-favorite segment - "Sirius Business". We want to hear from a few callers who may have gotten into some Sirius... business this past weekend. Pun intended, wink wink. We want to hear the spicy deets about what you got into this weekend, if you know what I mean. If you have kiddos, nows a great time to let them stick their heads out the window, because your car is about to STEAM up!


5. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

George opens his eyes and groans, rolls his eyes as he reaches to change the channel, then hesitates and shrugs, staying on the channel.


6. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Carol

So Carol family - go ahead, pick up the phone and dial on in to 833-Sir-ius. That's 833-Sirius, and let us know what Sirius business YOU got into this morning!!!


Carol beckons to Mike


Carol

Alright Mike - let's bring our first guest on!


Hear phone fumble for a second and guest Jerome comes on the line - extremely dry and monotone voice/personality. Guests are only seen not heard, cameras stay on Carol and Mike


Jerome

Good morning Carol, can you hear me alright?


Mike gives the thumbs up again


Carol

Loud and clear, who do we have the pleasure of speaking to this morning?!


Jerome

This is Jerome. This is Serious XM correct?


Carol

That's right Jerome - Sirius XM, and you are on Carol in the morning! We can't wait to hear what serious business you've been up to this weekend!


Jerome

Thank you both for this opportunity, I in fact have some very serious business. Carol let me first ask, how much experience do you have with data analytics?


7. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

George groans and rolls his eyes

George

no no no you idiot - she means sex! Steamy! Jesus wept.


We see a text pop up on his screen from someone named Sam "Hey baby, had a great time with you this weekend (winky face emoji), I can't wait til next weekend where I can tie YOU up" He smiles and picks up his phone to respond.


8. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Carol glances over at Mike and gives a questioning look while chuckling, Mike shrugs and chuckles.


Carol

Well Jerome, I can't say I have dabbled too much - you may be surprised to hear but there's a reason I am a talk show host - so I can let other people worry about the data!


Carol laughs lightly, and when done we hear Jerome let out a very dry laugh


Jerome

Very good Carol, well I am actually headed home from the office, I was let go this morning by my marketing firm.


We see Mike and Carol make a 'what the heck face' and Carol keeps going


Carol

Well I'm so sorry to hear that but hey I bet you had some serious business this weekend that makes up for that - tell us all about it!


Jerome

Well that's just it Carol, that's my serious business. I really wanted to get on here and just put a word in for myself, if anyone happens to be hiring. I mean this is my life Carol, this is serious business.


Carol makes 'omg eyes at Mike'


9. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

George laughs


George

No no no, I'll give you Serious business.


Angle on Georges phone and he dials in to the Sirius XM line and waits


10. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Carol

Oh I meant no insult George, apologies I....


Jerome interrupts


Jerome

Well to the Carol in the morning family, if any of you are looking for a Data Analyst on your team please find me on LinkedIn - Jerome Yettler. I am able to conduct advanced analytics including, but not limited to, developing predictive and optimization models.


11. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

George is on hold, we hear a "you are.. caller number 3" message and hold music, he groans and sits back.


Jerome

I am proficient in at least one programmable statistics package such as R or Python and an understanding of their limitations


12. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning


Carol beckons to Mike and beckons they are going to cut the convo short with a hand slicing over her neck.


Carol

Well Jerome, we appreciate you calling in - we are going to grab the next caller here.


We hear the call end, and Carol/Mike shake their heads at eachother


13. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

We hear hold music and see george sexting Sam still - text messages coming through that say "Can't til you blindfold me again. George is getting visibly excited


George

This is going to be so good, come on Carol pick up!


14. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Carol

Well, let's get right on to our next caller - and as a brief reminder - we want to hear your Serious Business only - wink wink, nudge nudge.


Alright Mike - who do we have on next?!


Phone connects, we hear heavy panting, caller Roger is out of breath.


Carol

Well, well, well! Sounds like you might be just wrapping up some serious business yourself, welcome on Sirius XM's Carol in the Morning, what's your name Mr. Out-of-Breath?!


Roger breathing heavily


Roger

Hi, Carol, well I'll tell you what I am in fact just getting done with some serious business - my names Roger, thanks for having me on


Carol

Well catch your breath there, but we are on the edge of our seats, what kind of serious business have you got yourself into this morning young man?


Carol laughs flirtatiously


Roger

Well thanks for asking Carol, I figured this would fall right into the category of "serious business". I actually just got done running away from quite the... racey situation.


Carol

Ooo, running away... we are excited for this one, don't keep us waiting!!!


Roger

Well Carol, I just came from my hearing for my armed robbery arrest where they are charging me as guilty, that 15 year sentence was incredibly serious business.


15. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

George throws his hands up in exasperation\


George

No, no, no! Come on pick up the phone


Georges phones still flashing texts from Sam (assumed partner) "I loved what you did with your little toe" He is texting her back and smiling while on hold


16. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Carol at this point throws her hands up as well and mouths "what the hell" to Mike. Mike scrambles around on his computer shrugging away the blame.


Carol

Alright well I can appreciate that Roger, but we are here to talk about a raunchy serious business.. Wait if you were just running away... Roger did you just run out of the court room where you were sentenced?!


Roger

Yes lady! That's what I have been trying to tell you! I am on the lam! This is SERIOUS BUSINESS, I need the Carol in the morning family to come through for me on a safe house!!


We hear shouting in the background of the call "there he is!" "Get him!" Carol beckons to Mike frantically to cut the call.


Roger

Oh man here they come, listen I am on the corner of Hickory and...


The call cuts audibly mid sentence and carol sits back in her chair perplexed.


Carol

Well. Alright then, quite the eventful morning this fine Monday - but hey how else would the start to the week go? My goodness!


17. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

George is sitting there crossing his fingers that he gets on the call next, still stuck in standstill traffic.


Pan to Georges phone still on the call, and texts messages rolling in from Sam, "when I pinned you against the window for the world to see you vulnerable"


George

Please be me, please be me, please be me


Carol

Just another reminder Carol in the morning family, let's stick with the light and sexy serious business. I want to hear which one of you was the most naughty this weekend, who got themselves into some real serious business!


George

Me Carol, I was so raunchy this weekend.


We hear the hold message on georges phone say "you are caller number 2, hang with us!"


18. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Mike points to the sky as we hear the next call connect, Caller 3 is Georgia - an upbeat woman, excited to be on the show and confident.


Carol

Welcome Caller number 3 to the serious business portion of our show, Can't wait to hear what indecent behavior you were up to this weekend! Give us your best, who do we have on this morning?!


Georgia

Good morning Carol! My name is Georgia and I am so excited to be on the show!


Carol

OOOO That is amazing to hear, sounds like you might have some serious business over the weekend here! Tell us what you got and make it juicy!


Georgia

Well Carol I won't disappoint, I got into some REAL serious business this weekend. And it was dirty to boot.


19. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

both women laugh, carols laugh in relief, on George's phone we hear "hang tight, you are next on the Carol in the Morning show!" George bites his lip and pumps his fist


George

Yes!


Georges phone lights up again with. text from Sam "come stuff my oven again baby"


Georgia

So it started this weekend I was cleaning my house, waiting for my husband to get back from picking up our dog from the vet. I was putting away our laundry and as I got to my under garments... I had an idea.


20. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning


Oh my goodness I'm so bad, I can't believe I'm sharing this


Carol

Georgia, we are all tuned in, lay it on us!


Georgia

Well I decided that I was going to surprise him... wearing nothing but my skimpy lingerie!


Carol

WOAHHH There we go Georgia, this is what we like to hear! Cover your ears kids!


Georgia

So anyways, he gets home and I am laying on the couch when he walks in, carrying a big box!


Carol

A big box?! I guess he had a surprise for you too! Oh my goodness I'm so excited - what was inside?!


Georgia

Well, it was a surprise alright. This is where we get to the serious business, are you ready Carol?


Carol

Of course I am, tell us!


Georgia

My husband walks over and sits down next to me, set the box down and puts his hand on my thigh.


Carol

Oooooooooo


Georgia

So of course I ask him: What's in the box honey? All sexy like.


Carol

Here we go folks!!!


Carol and Mike give eachother a thumbs up


Georgia

And that's when he let me know that the vet had to put our dog down, and THAT is what was in the box.


Carol and Mike are visibly shocked and speechless


Georgia

So we got down and dirty, because of course there was no way in hell we were paying $1,000 for the cremation. We spent all of Sunday digging. a giant hole in the front yard so we could bury ole Max.


Carol

Oh my god....


Georgia

So you could say we were both extremely dirty by the end of the day, literally just covered in dirt... and blood.


Carol

Okay that's plenty thank you Georgia!


We see Mike end the call and both sit back shocked.


Carol

Okay, well Carol in the Morning family, I apologize for that. Good news is we have time for just one more caller. As a foreshadow, if you are off-topic from our normal serious business segment discussions, I will have to cut you off. Go ahead Mike.


21. Int - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

Cuts to a very excited George


George

YES!!! Carol, my name is George, and I have great news for you - my story is strictly serious business.


Carol

Well that IS good news, what kind of raunchy weekend did you have?!


George

Well Carol, my weekend was SO steamy, that I am still getting dirty texts about it this morning. Let me go ahead and read some of these off to you if that's okay?


22. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Carol looks at Mike excited, both nodding for more


Carol

Yes yes of course! Please give these listeners the juicy deets!


George

Perfect let me just pull these up....


23. Ext - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

Just then the cars around George start to move and we hear honking, George is flustered and presses the gas without looking


George

Oh Carol, just one second here the traffic I was in just started mov...


24. Ext - Georges Toyota Corolla, John C Lodge Freeway, Detroit MI - Morning

We hear an audible "thud thud" and we see george running over a runner from the drivers seat view. Brakes squeal and then silence for a second.


25. Int - Carol in the Morning, Studio - NY, NY - Morning

Carol looks at Mike nervously


Carol

George?


George

OH MY GOD I JUST KILLED A MAN. THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS CAROL I JUST KILLED A MAN, OH JESUS WEPT.


We hear phone dropped and inaudible screaming, sirens and yelling in a flurry of chaos on the phone. Carol speaks over the noise and throws her headphones in exasperation.


Carol

Screw it all - Mike leaving it running. There's your serious business for the day Carol in the Morning family! Have a great Monday!


Music and credits roll


Fin.


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