Morning Huddle
International Los Alamos Lab - Night
Machines click and whine, the room is dark and a short click reminds him of the time passing. Equations and papers fill the blackboard. Zachenheimer stares and the blackboard. A cigarette hangs from his lips, lightly quivering.
Zachenheimer: “Now I am Death, the destroyer of worlds…”
He stares at the plans on the board - the equations - the lines the spell our “Saquon” His eyes heavy with fatigue and doubt. There are faint sounds of footsteps behind him.
General Taint Spray: You’ve done it Zachenheimer. Tomorrow, the dropping of Saquon, will change everything.
Zachenheimer turns. From an angle he looked like he was smiling, from another angle a frown.
Zachenheimer: change everything? Or end everything?
Outside the dark desert howls. With victory in sight, the destiny of humanity, and the destruction of the league is left in Saquons weight.
Commissioner’s Corner
Dear people of NFFL,
I had dreams last night of him. How I wish this was a joke.
The dreams were in 1st person. I was behind my own shut eyes sleeping, and when I woke (in the dream) there he was, next to me in bed just staring at me with those piercing mudblood eyes.
Harls Jr. himself. King of the rodents, ancestor of the Axis powers.
“But Chris Rashod Bateman could have saved you!”
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Whatever. Hopefully the S.S. Doesn’t make it to the playoffs either. Scraps & Squirt that is.
Medium takes for the year:
-Erics team looks like an eclectic lost and found orphanage of souls, and if you looked at his roster you’d never guess he’d be in the lead.
-Scumps/Scraps/McDaniels could have done a lot better this season but was distracted by his pregnant wife and sister. Careful Cream.
-I’m not sure who needs to be kicked out of the league more, the Hiff Clangers, or the ghost that occupies a man once known as Branden.
-Crut I made better roster decisions in middle school when picking teams for theater league dodgeball.
-Someone should write a true crime novel on Squirts team.
-Creams been too busy realizing dating a man might be easier in this economy, also something about being a doctor.
-Deans team is perfect this year.
Alright have a good day!
Commash
Tears and Jeers
Tears
“I was born into it. Molded by it. Losing is in my DNA. I never won a game in AYSO and played lacrosse for the portage Northern Huskies in the early 2000s. I have never known what being a winner is. Losing to me is like getting ready for work in the morning. I hate it. I despise it. But damn if it isn’t the most familiar thing I know. So yes, Beef enjoy beating me. Just know you have taken nothing from me. You have merely helped further solidify who I am as a person, what my culture is, my identity.“ - Crit
“I genuinely think Brando might be the most unlucky person on the planet“ -Nick S
“Gonna lose to crit fuck my life“ - Beadle
“Look at these dumb idiots watching the broncos roll the boat a life time ago it feels like” - Eric
Jeers
“Whatever 🤷🏼♂️ not my money. My sugar mommy gives me plenty. They can consider it my annual alumni donation” - Bryce
“Jesus Christ is playing through Jameis right now” - Pete
“Lord please end this pain the Clangers put me through” - Brando
“Word has it scumps kid is still in the dark to this day” - Chris
Power Rankings with Branden Knorr
Team | Power Ranking of Team (But I'm depressed because power rankings don't matter thanks Beef) |
Je Ne Saquon | Big ole jump for Je Ne and the boys to the top. This is the hottest team in the league right now. |
Diggs 4 Puka Shells | Not too far behind Zach for the top spot. Solid grinded out win this week against a good team. |
Fuck Peter Harlan Mau | Squeaked out a stinker against Crit. Solid roster but weeks like this past one could end a season in the yoffs |
Daddy | Did someone say DILF cause Daddy is HOT. |
Diddler | Not gonna knock the Diddler for a loss against the top scorer this week |
Milky Cream Dream Team | Tight Game and tough loss going to need a lot from their players moving forward |
Scumper's Thumpers | Not the best showing this week but the roster can throw up points. Just need to finish the regular season out strong for a shot at the yoffs |
Squirtn Manning | There was a sliver of hope for the Clangers and this manager used black magic to figure out how to win. A win is a win and they keep their dreams alive. |
The Cumbacks | Good cheek clapping for Pete and the boys. He knows what Dean wants and cucks him again. |
Dictator Dean | Dookey Dean giving the league another stinky performance. Welcome to the bottom of the barrel where you won't see the playoffs like the rest of us. Happy to see you met our welcoming committee Peter Harlan |
Default Team Name | Crit... it's either you or me man for the TB. After reading your message about sand paper... I really hope it's me. |
Hiff Clangers | Tough loss for this time. I'm really starting to have a hard time seeing them in the playoff picture. |
Playoff Primer
Playoff Odds
Path the Playoffs: Scenarios
Team | Need (Easiest Path) |
1.Diggs 4 Puka Shells |
|
2.Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray |
|
3.Je Ne Saquon |
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4.Daddy |
|
5.Diddler |
|
6.Milky Cream Dream Team |
|
7.Scumper's Thmpers |
|
8.Squirtin' Manning |
|
9.Deanith |
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10.Cumbacks |
|
11.Raise Hell Praise Dale |
|
12.Hiff Clangers |
|
Thanksgiving Superlatives
The Golden Drumstick: League Favorite to Win
0%Diggs 4 Puka Shells
0%Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray
0%Je Ne Saquon
0%Daddy
The Burnt Biscuit Award: Loser of the League
0%Daddy
0%Diddler
0%Milky Cream Dream Team
0%Scumper's Thumpers
Wildest Turkey: Team who is the most unpredictable to make the playoffs
0%Daddy
0%Diddler
0%Milky Cream Dream Team
0%Scumper's Thumpers
Dinner Plate Disappointment: The Team with the Highest who failed
0%Daddy
0%Diddler
0%Milky Cream Dream Team
0%Scumper's Thumpers
Wishbone Victor: Player who squeaks out a win every week
0%Diggs 4 Puka Shells
0%Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray
0%Je Ne Saquon
0%Daddy
Cornbread Crumble Award: Team that started strong but fell apart
0%Daddy
0%Diddler
0%Milky Cream Dream Team
0%Scumper's Thumpers
"I think I Ate Too Much" Award: Person who overthinks their lineup
0%Diggs 4 Puka Shells
0%Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray
0%Je Ne Saquon
0%Daddy
Crit's Thoughts
I write this in my final hours holding a lead against not just anyone, but Beef himself. It feels good to be king looking down upon you peasants. One day, after all of you have had massive strokes and I break .500, I will look back upon this day as the day that started my reign of terror. Suck my ass and fuck Peter Maurer. Kisses. Happy Thanksgiving you pilgrims
Guest Picker: College Gameday Crew
Matchup 1: Peteymau97 (Cumbacks) vs Ziggyzach13 (Je Ne Saquon)
• Desmond Howard: "Petey’s been struggling, but don't count out the defending champ just yet. Ziggyzach13 is looking strong with that 8-3 record, and Saquon Barkley is an absolute monster. I’m going with Ziggyzach13 in this one."
• Pat McAfee: "I'm always betting on the underdog! Cumbacks might be 3-8, but there’s magic in the air when you’re the reigning champ. Petey’s got the heart to push through. Watch for a Peteymau97upset!"
• Kirk Herbstreit: "You can’t overlook Petey’s track record. But Ziggyzach13 is rolling with a full squad and a potent Saquon. I’m leaning towards Ziggyzach13, but I wouldn't be shocked if Petey pulls off the win."
• Lee Corso: "Not so fast, my friend! Ziggyzach13 is too good, and Saquon’s been balling out. I’m going with the favorite here—Ziggyzach13."
Cumbacks Vs. Je Ne Saquon
0%Cumbacks
0%Je Ne Saquon
Matchup 2: Nickv7991 (Scumper's Thumpers) vs Cspray1 (Deanith)
• Desmond Howard: "With a 6-5 record, Scumper’s Thumpers is just scraping by, but the numbers tell a different story. I’m riding with Scumper's Thumpers in this matchup."
• Pat McAfee: "The name says it all—Scumper’s Thumpers is bringing the heat. Deanith's a little banged up with that 4-7 record. I'm betting on Nick's squad to get the win."
• Kirk Herbstreit: "Both teams are close, but Scumper's Thumpers has the edge in consistency. I’m giving this one to Nick and his squad."
• Lee Corso: "I’m going with Scumper's Thumpers, baby! Don’t try to outscore Nick with that high-powered lineup. He’s the real deal!"
Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Deanith
0%Scumper's Thumpers
0%Deanith
Matchup 3: Daddy vs Milky Cream Dream Team
• Desmond Howard: "Daddy’s sitting at 6-5 with a solid squad. But Milky Cream Dream Team is tough—Milky Cream gets the edge for me with that 7-4 record and superior stats."
• Pat McAfee: "Daddy’s got the heart, and Milky Cream is trending downward. I’m taking Daddy for the upset. He’s always got something up his sleeve!"
• Kirk Herbstreit: "This one’s close. Daddyhas been hot lately, and I think they’re coming in with a chip on their shoulder. I’m going with Daddy for the win."
• Lee Corso: "It’s gotta be Daddy, baby! This is a no-brainer. Daddy’s got the momentum!"
Daddy Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team
0%Daddy
0%Milky Cream Dream Team
Matchup 4: Diddler vs Diggs 4 Puka Shells
• Desmond Howard: "It’s tough to bet against Diggs 4 Puka Shells with that 9-2 record. Diddler has had some big weeks, but I’m sticking with the hot hand here—Diggs 4 Puka Shells."
• Pat McAfee: "I’m going with Diddler! The underdog needs a little love, and Diddler’s got the potential to upset with a big performance. It’s gonna be a tight one, but I’ll take the risk!"
• Kirk Herbstreit: "No question here, I’m going with Diggs 4 Puka Shells. They’ve been too consistent, and with Stefon Diggs leading the charge, I think they take this one."
• Lee Corso: "Give me Diggs 4 Puka Shells! They’ve been on a tear all season, and there’s no way Diddler is stopping them now!"
Diddler Vs. Diggs 4 Puka Shells
0%Diddler
0%Diggs 4 Puka Shells
Matchup 5: Raise Hell Praise Dale vs Hiff Clangers
• Desmond Howard: "With a 3-8 record, Raise Hell Praise Dale is struggling, but Hiff Clangers is at 0-11. I gotta go with Raise Hell Praise Dale by default."
• Pat McAfee: "Hiff Clangers might be winless, but they’re coming in with nothing to lose! I’m going with the upset here—Hiff Clangers gets their first win!"
• Kirk Herbstreit: "It’s hard to back Raise Hell Praise Dale, but Hiff Clangers has been nothing short of disastrous. I’ll take Raise Hell Praise Dale to close it out."
• Lee Corso: "This one’s a toughie, but I’m going with Raise Hell Praise Dale. It’s been a tough year, but Hiff Clangers is looking like they’ll go winless. Not this week!"
Raise Hell Praise Dale Vs. Hiff Clangers
0%Write an answer
0%Write an answer
Matchup 6: Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray vs Squirtn’ Manning
• Desmond Howard: "I’m loving the consistency of Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray with their 8-3 record. Squirtn’ Manning is close, but I’m sticking with the favorite—Cuckface Spray all the way."
• Pat McAfee: "There’s too much power on Cuckface Spray’s team. Squirtn’ Manning is a strong contender, but I’m going with the top dog here—Cuckface Spray."
• Kirk Herbstreit: "This is a matchup of heavyweights, but I have to give the edge to Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray. Too much talent all around."
• Lee Corso: "I’m going with the favorite—Cuckface Spray. They’ve been rolling this season, and that’s hard to stop!"
Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray Vs. Squirtin' Manning
0%Fuck Chris Cuckface Spray
0%Squirtin' Manning
Picker Rankings
1. Penis Maurer (5-1)
Majorie (5-1)
1.Nick Vichinsky (5-1)
2. Sabrina Carpenter (4-2)
2. Rachel Prowse (4-2)
2.Allyson Maurer (4-2)
2.Molly Rider-Vichinsky (4-2)
2. Stephen Pepps (4-2)
3.Katie (3-3)
4.JV Players (2-4)
5. Shane Gillis (1-4-1)
Fantasy Meme of the Week
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