Morning Huddle
In the Wild West, only one buckaroo rules them all. The Sherif. As he sits there a tumbleweed brushes against the dirt. He spits. Women fan themselves from across the dirt road. They pull up their dresses, pushing up their breasts. The sheriff smiles.
All was quiet, the way it should be in a town with a clear alpha. In its place. He shifts into the bar behind him. Empty, dusty.
The Sheriff holds up one finger and silently takes his seat at the table.
"Beautiful day," says the bartender.
The black brim of the sheriff's hat covers his eyes. "Too quiet," he takes his shot of liquor and slams it down.
"We don't get trouble around here anymore." The bartender continues to dry his glass.
"There's nothing left in this shit hole, Joe." says the sheriff.
Just then there was a scream.
Outside, the sand spun in the summer breeze. On the other side of the path a man dressed in black. His poncho and scarf covered all identifying features about him. His brim hid his face. In his arm, he held a squeamish lady, the whore that fixed her dress. He covered her mouth and held a gun to her head.
The sheriff, calmly, yelled across.
"There ain't a thing here for you, let her go."
He clicked his gun, she muffled a scream.
The sheriff looked around. Laughing at the man.
"Alright, I'll bite, what do you need?"
He unloads the gun from the whores head and shoves her on the ground.
"I need a Quarter Back."
The sheriff laughs, "Don't we all?"
The figure shoots next to the lady.
She whimpers.
"We don't have any Quarterbacks, go back to where you came from."
The sheriff goes to turn around, back to the back.
"Not an option!" The figure states.
"Look, we can't give you what we don't have."
The figure raises a gun to the sheriff.
"Show me to the vault."
The vault is rusty and creaky. The door and the lock need grease to move. No money flowing in or out - the corrupt politicians, the drought, has made sure of this. When the door finally creaked open the Sheriff had taken off his coat, rolled off his sleeves, and dropped sweat through his white dirty shirt. His arms revealed his age.
The door opened and it the inside smelled like mildew. It was mostly empty except a pile on the back lot. A Bryce Young piece, a Mason Rudolph piece were all the worthy amounts left.
The cloaked figure fell to his knees.
"I'll give you whatever you need," he says between the sobs, "I need a Quarter Back."
"Son, I have nothing."
The Figure put his gun into his mouth and shot himself.
Commissioner's Corner
Dear NFFL,
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Halfway through our time together. We know roughly where we will fall in the bowls, or likely have a gut feeling.
It is for this reason I wanted to pair everyone up for an episode of:
“You know it’s mid-season when…”
Bryce and beadle are being extra fussy
Zach and Ric are just happy to be here.
Crit & Pete are starting to pipe down after a rollercoaster ride of hope for weeks on end.
Squirt and Dean are less hostile towards each other and inevitably have the “let’s just grow up and be respectful to eachother” talk.
Branden and Scumps team up to antagonize Pete who just now realizes his teams in shambles, even though Scumps isn’t really trying to antagonize he’s just able to unconsciously antagonize Harlan the slippery Marlin
Joe and Con observe from their Hightower and continue to only chime in when they have something wise or sage to add to the conversation.
Happy Tuesday.
PS no change to punishment, we will not have one since our bylaws are impossible and people are poor. We tolerate poor people now I guess. Pour one out for the po’boys.
Cheers,
Commish
Tears and Jeers
Tears
"We agreed that no rule changes could happen until next season." - Bryce
"Hard to relax when Derrick Henry is shoving his massive dong down Je Ne Saquon's throat" - Zach
"Throwing offers at the wall and seeing what sticks, I know what gets attention and starts convos." - Pete
"No fantasy wins since the rascal Peter Maurer cursed me." - Branden
Jeers
"Bout to Montcummary in my pants here" - Squirt
"I hear if you keep bullying Scumps like that he'll cum." - Commish
"Did you dress as him since you both have 5 losses on the season?" - Joe
"Pete plz pick me, I really want a Chubb." - Con
Power Rankings by Branden Knorr
Team | Power Ranking of Team |
Fuck Peter Harlan Mau & Diggs 4 Puka Shells | WHAT TWO TEAMS AT THE TOP SPOT?? One lost and the other crushed their cousin last week I know, but I'm putting them both at 1 and we'll let the champion of this weeks matchup claim the top spot. Battle as old as time, Beef v Ric, Michigan v Ohio State. Who will come out on top. |
Je Ne Saquon | Good win this past week for Zach and the boys. Still a very good and deep roster. Top scorer in week 9 vaults his squad up to the three spot. Previous Ranking - 4 |
Daddy | Great Scoring performance for Team Daddy Joe despite two of his receivers throwing up duds. This scoring looks sustainable and that's why they're staying in the top 5. Previous Ranking - 5 |
Diddler | Back in the top 5 for Diddles and the baby oil gang. CMC is coming back after rubbing down those tendons and getting a German injection... and I'm not talking about Bryce's pecker! Bryce's roster adding CMC late is huge and things should hopefully be on the up and up from here. Previous Ranking - 7 |
Milky Cream Dream Team | Tough loss for Con in week 9 especially since it was the Dictator of the league. Bumping this team down a few spots as there isn't a ton of depth at QB and with time we'll be able to see how Jamo and Diontae will fit in moving forward. Previous Ranking - 3 |
Scumper's Thumpers | Big win this past week to keep the Scumps playoff hopes alive. They paired their win with a good scoring output that highlighted consistency throughout the roster. I think we can expect solid numbers moving forward. High floor, but where's the ceiling for this team? Previous Ranking - 8 |
Squirtn Manning | Disappointing loss for Squirt's team and that bench looks scarier than Pete's dead pigeon... YIKES. I think Flacco will be better, and there's still hope, but injuries do not help this teams outlook for the rest of the season. Previous Ranking - 6 |
Dictator Dean | Solid roster moves made by Dictator Dean this past week to put his team in a position to win. I think some players over performed and he's reaping the benefits but there's opportunity to replicate this forumula and wins he can steal. This team will need to win out for any hope at the Yoffs Previous Ranking - 12 |
The Whittakers | Not the worst scoring output this week but yuck this roster stinks. Pete has now cursed Lamb and Prescott so GGs if you have them in another league. Let's just hope this roster gets healthy in time for the toilet bowl. #FromChamp2Chump Previous Ranking - 9 |
Default Team Name | Clap it up because all the players on this roster made it through and were healthy in week 9, but two maybe three of them actually wanted to score which is unfortunate. If it's a healthy roster points can be had in the future. This team should be in a solid position to crush the playoff hopes of others. Previous Ranking - 10 |
Hiff Clangers | Nothing new to see here just a dookey ass team. Can't even muster 80 points! Scratch that we can't even get to 75! I break my back trying to manage this team correctly but maybe I'm not the problem. They just don't want to play hard and score and do anything productive for us to win. I need some copium and a scotch. Previous Ranking - 11 |
Crit's Thoughts
Fantasy Football is great but being a Lions fan this year is even better. Go Motor City Kitties and Fuck Peter Maurer. The downfall of Peter Maurer this year has been a blessing.
Guest Picker: Lady Marjorie
Hiff Clangers V. Je Ne Saquon
Je Ne Saquon. Unfortunately, I feel like that's just an easy choice.
Hiff Clangers Vs. Je Ne Saquon
0%Hiff Clangers
0%Je Ne Saquon
Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Squirtin' Manning
I'm picking Squirtn' Manning because eight points and nothing and I'm here for a good time and an upset.
Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Squirtin' Manning
0%Scumper's Thumpers
0%Squirtin' Manning
Daddy Vs. The Whittakers
Team Daddy Joe (boyfriend note here idk why it seems so wrong Marjorie said Team Daddy Joe) because there is an obvious advantage.
Daddy Vs. The Whittakers
0%Daddy
0%The Whittakers
Dictator Dean Vs. The Diddler
Diddler here because I know Chris Spray's team sucks and he was at the bottom of the power rankings.
Dictator Dean Vs. The Diddler
0%Dictator Dean
0%Diddler
Default Team Name Vs. Milky Cream Dream
I'm picking Milky Cream Dream Team even though I hate the name. I'm picking this team just because this seems like an uneventful game and I'm sticking with consistency.
Default Team Name Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team
0%Default Team Name
0%Milky Cream Dream Team
Fuck Chris Cuckface Vs. Diggs 4 Puka Shells
I'm picking Diggs 4 Puka Shells because Eric went to the Steelers game with Branden that one time. (Boyfriend note again I can't get the name Team Daddy Joe out of my head...FUCK)
Fuck Chris Cuckface Vs. Diggs 4 Puka Shells
0%Fuck Chris Cuckface
0%Diggs 4 Puka Shells
Fantasy Meme of the Week
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