Morning Huddle
"My hero!" Says Nicola
NightCoop, goes to take off. Squatting, and as if in slow motion, his ankle cracks.
"FUUUUU - "
Nicola sees white and crimson red. The red is spurtting.
"HEL- HELP." He whispers in his cries as the blood starts to pool.
She smiles. She drops the act.
"You fool," she says. I set this all up.
A flash of lightning strikes around her and it starts to rain. Next to her appears a figure dressed in turquoise and orange. Dotted, like a cheetah.
"What, What is this?" NightCooper grabs at the spiked bone.
The figure, walks over and kicks NightCoop in the broken bone. A scream. Nicola smiles.
Finish him. The figure grabs the leg and tears the hanging leg off the bone.
"AHHHHHHHH!"
The masked figure takes off his mask and gets close to NightCoopers face.
"It's Cheetah, bitch. I'm here to save Nicola."
He grabs her and, in a flash, they're gone.
Commissioner's Corner
League-mates,
Monday night was stressful. More heavy hitting injuries, season ending for Godwin. Joe walks away with Gibbs like a happy clam.
As I write this, Bryce & Pete have both lost. So that’s a win in my book. Nice job to Crit and Squirt there.
I’ll finally have won my first game since week 1, barely squeaking out against Brandon, who is now 0-7.
Tua might be back next week, so I’m excited about more problems there.
Overall, this season has reminded us that legs are really just toothpicks, heads are just punching bags, and ribcages merely wooden wheel spindles. NFFL has had some of its lowest scoring weeks of its existence despite the NFL “cracking down” on injuries, it feels like there’s more.
Doesn’t Godwin understand what he did to me, Chris Spray of Detroit Michigan, this evening?
The man should have some decency.
Cheer,
Commish
Tears and Jeers
Tears
"Squirt and I about to be in BOOM off" - Peter
"Jordan Mason will kill me" - Bryce
"Don't gamble smoke or jerk anymore." - Brando
"F for Failure, which should be my new team name" - Zach
"Sleeping in a pool of my jizzlers every night" - Bryce
Jeers
"Lots of Maurer sauce in that mattress tbh" - Peter
"Keep your theater shit out of the football chat please" - Chris
"Just get him a massage / he will be fine" - Beadle
"POV: Your Manager asks you to write an "honest: review of your work friend's yearly performance" - Brando
Power Rankings by Branden Knorr
Team | Power Ranking of Team | What Condiment best represents your team |
Fuck Peter Harlan Mau | Alexa play "All I Do Is Win" by Dj Khaled. Kinda criminal how good this lineup is. We should all be scared. That is all. Pray for a miracle if you face Beef and his squad. (Previous ranking - 1) | Ranch Dressing: Just an absolute dawg |
Diggs 4 Puka Shells | CHOOOOO-CHOOOOO this team is rolling like a locamotive coming down the tracks. This team has strung together 4 straight wins and I don't see them stopping anytime soon. Keep an eye on Baker's performances moving forward with injuries to the Bucs receiving core. (Previous ranking - 3) | Ketchup: A good number two but also could very easily be number one on the right day |
Milky Cream Dream Team | No moves here for Milky Cream Dream Team after their loss. Short term there will be questions based off of injuries and suspensions, but big picture this team should be fine come playoffs. Damage control will be huge. (Previous ranking - 2) | Siracha: Great hot sauce but don't be surprised if some of the ingridents include MSG.. or steriods cough cough Jamo |
Heading For the Hills | This team might've lost and moved up in the rankings, but that's based off the build of their roster. I think performances can be inproved by starting the correct combinations of the weapons they have on their team. I really like the addition of Kupp to this roster. (Previous ranking - 5) | Buffalo Sauce: Not too hot to start but the more you eat the more the heat builds up |
Pacheck It Out | The Diddler made a strong move this week acuiring Aaron Jones and he put up big points, however, it didn't end up a win for Diddles and his team. I still think this team has a solid roster, but depth may become a concern in the coming weeks. Side note... if the trade smells like baby oil then it probably means you're fucked. (Previous ranking - 4) | Nutella: Kinda looks like shit, but actually really good! |
Squirtn' Manning | Massive win for the Squiddler and his guys. This roster has the skill positions on lock, but there are some QB concerns with Daniels having a rib injury and AR15 being two bad starts away from getting cut and working at a Culver's. Feels like this team is at an inflection point and it will be interesting to see where the Squiddler can go from here. Reminder for everyone that if the Squiddler asks you to be in a freak off then run for your life! (Previous ranking - 8) | BBQ sauce: A solid sauce but it can have it's off days as well |
Scumper's Thumpers | Scumper and the Thumpers are climbing. Good bounce back performance for them against a good team. A performance like this is something to expect moving forward with how the roster is built. (Previous ranking - 9) | Chick-Fil-A sauce: Sneaky good because sometimes it's not a condiment you think about right away |
Daddy | Tough loss for Daddy and the boys this week, but what can you expect when you go against Beef and his black air force ones. The Gibbs and Mooney deal was an absolute fleece, and this team will reap the rewards moving forward. This roster can pop-off like a Karen in the grocery store so don't take them lightly. (Previous ranking - 7) | Salsa: Huge upside but you won't know until your 5 or 6 chips deep |
Default Team Name | Good bounce back for those NPC players on the Default Team Name squad! Their team still shows lots of promise with majority of the players healthy again. Major draw back is the Daniel Jones expereince and his performaces moving forward. I think Dj from NYC could make or break the season for this team. Keep an eye out for them to continue to compete and make a push late. (Previous ranking - 10) | Hummus: Can be very good or terrible, so we'll say it has untapped potential |
The Whittakers | Poor showing in a big rivalry game for The Whittakers. Big Justice from the Costco Guys, commentted on the performance and said, "The Whittakers performance was just like my Daddy's nipples... major DOOM". Thanks Big J! The Whittakers manager must be frustrated with their team's performance, and thinking about next steps as they are always looking to make a big splash. I can see them benefitting from some starters returning next week and hopefully they can get back in the win column. (Previous ranking - 6) | Pickle Relish: Little zesty but doesn't really do too much without the right condiments to support |
Screamin Queen Dean | Very shocked the Queens were able to pull out a win in their week 7 matchup. Some transactions that made have been questionable but with a plethora of injuries this week there's potential for deals to be made and players to be acquired. The Queens will probably need to do both to keep their playoff hopes alive. (Previous ranking - 11) | Miracle Whip: You look at the bottle and you're like "Why did I get Miracle Whip?" then it kinda just hangs around for 5 years |
Hiff Clangers | This team has no balls. Testicles have been lopped off along with any chances this team had to succeed. Injuries and bad decisions. Hopefully something clicks before the toilet bowl tournament and they can play spoiler for teams aiming for the Yoffs. (Previous ranking - 12) | Sardine Juice: Because why would you ever need Sardine Juice it fucking sucks. |
The Diddler’s Den New!
New addition for the Newsletter…The Diddler’s Den
For this week, I decided to create some art for a beloved member of this league. It wasn’t my Plan A to retaliate against his recent attacks on my dignity and honor, that’ll be when I beat him in week 8. It only felt right to go with my Plan B, because Squirt loves it so dearly.
I present to you, “Squidrium for a Dream”
Crit's Thoughts
Why hat the lord forsaken me? Is it that I talk too much shit when I'm this bad?.. No. No it couldn't be, surely it's collusion and incompetence.
Guest Picker: Katie
Daddy Vs. Hiff Clangers
Daddy because Travis Kelce, need I say more?
Daddy Vs. Hiff Clangers
0%Daddy
0%Hiff Clangers
Screamin' Mean Dean Vs. Diggs 4 Puka Shells
Puka because I've heard Crit say a lot about these names all excitedly.
Screamin' Mean Dean Vs. Diggs 4 Puka Shells
0%Screamin' Mean Dean
0%Diggs 4 Puka Shells
Squirtin' Manning Vs. Pacheck it Out!
Pacheck it Out because of all the consistent Js on the list this round. Very nice.
Squirtin' Manning Vs. Pacheck It Out!
0%Squirtin' Manning
0%Pacheck It Out!
The Whittakers Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team
Whittakers because of Likely, Sutton, and Chubb line up, which is scarey close to something dirty after a glass or wine or two.
The Whittakers Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team
0%The Whittakers
0%Milky Cream Dream Team
Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Fuck Perer Harlan Mau
Fuck Peter Harlan Mau because the last names are long and fun to say. Good variety.
Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Fuck Peter Harlan Mau
0%Scumper's Thumpers
0%Fuck Peter Harlan Mau
Default Team Name Vs. Heading for the Hills
Of course [Christian] because [he] is the love of my life, and [his] opponent couldn't even finish filing all his spots. (My personal side note, it's because Zach just traded the guy that was in that spot... and also fuck Pete)
Default Team Name Vs. Heading for the Hills
0%Default Team Name
0%Heading for the Hills
Picker Rankings
1.Nick Vichinsky (5-1).
2. Sabrina Carpenter (4-2)
2. Rachel Prowse (4-2)
2.Allyson Maurer (4-2)
2.Molly Rider-Vichinsky (4-2)
2. Stephen Pepps (4-2)
3. Shane Gillis (1-4-1)
Fantasy Meme of the Week
Comments