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  • Writer's pictureNicholas Vichinsky

NFFL Newsletter: Weeks 9 and 10

Morning Thoughts

Who wins?

As we dive into the end of the season I find myself at the brink of the playoff race. Really, the race is still wide open. With five weeks left, there’s plenty of time to have a turnaround for any team.

In our league, technically, 11/12 players still have a shot at the playoffs (that’s implying that a winning record would get you on the brink, this is not necessarily true. BUT, let’s pretend that it is).

Once you get there you’re faced with the task that every great sports team is to face someday- the playoffs. The weather is cold and the the smell of dew is in the air when Carrie Underwood starts singing the Sunday Night Football song, is that excitement? Happiness? Nerves?

You might be the sixth seed looking up against Goliath being the underdog of your life. But, I did some research.

Statistically speaking, Since the NFL 1990 playoffs, when the postseason expanded to 12 teams/6 per conference

  • Lost Divisional round: 16 times (25.8%)

  • Lost Championship Game: 14 times (22.6%)

  • Lost Super Bowl: 18 times (29.0%)

  • Won Super Bowl: 14 times (22.6%)

  • 32 of the last 62 Super Bowl participants were No. 1 seeds

  • 14 of the last 31 Super Bowl champions were No. 1 seeds (45.1%)

The 1 seeds have, obviously, a far better chance at making the Super Bowl, but less than 50% of the time, as of recent history, were those 1 seeds champions.

A similar pattern is shown in college football. Since the playoffs in 2014, only three No.1 seeds have won the championship - LSU (2019), Alabama (2020), and Georgia (2023). So in 4/9 college football playoffs were decided by seeds 2-4.

Here’s what to take away from this football analogy: While the one seed alone has about a 50% chance of going to the ship, there’s still a whole lot of green to work with. You can choose to see it as a 10% (all of the rest sharing a 50% slice) or you can take it and see it as a 50% chance to take the whole thing. Boy Math.

Just two years ago, both Bryce and Nick scratched their way to a championship appearance while being in a wild-card game. We all have a shot at the championship still. And heck, at the number one seed. It’s not time to be content because the future is waiting for you in the playoffs.

Commissioner's Corner

Ladies and Gossoms,

Welcome back to another episode of: Commissioners Coroner.

Yep, you read that correctly. For today, we mourn the loss of our very own... Brandon the Whorr Knorr. The King of the Castle - taken down a notch by the man loved throughout the land himself... Commish.

As I move back to third place after a classically abysmal performance from Squirt Russell, there is only one thought in my mind, and that's squishing Harlan like a weasel up next in week 10.

Has the power gone to my head? Do I rule with an iron fist? Or am I a perfect fantasy football specimen with more football acumen than these inconsistent, try hard - wannabe's that are focused on short terms results.

Probably all of these. Brandon Knorr and I are the best Fantasy Footballers ever built in god's great image - and that's a direct quote from Peter Maurer.

And thus begins my Geoffrey era.


The Commish

Power Rankings

1. Hiff Clangers ↦

despite a loss, he had 2 key players on bye this week, at full strength I believe he’s still 1

2. Screamin Mean Queen ↥

With a win, Dean shows us what he’s made of.

3. Fight’n GameCucks ↧

somehow keeps winning

4. Le Squirtlocker

High hopes for the end of the season but he is now QB1 less :(

5. Milky Cream Dream Team ↦

his roster should be hard to beat but a few underwhelming performances put his place in the rankings a bit blurry

6. Purdy Cheeks ↥

An RB heavy roster was underrated by me. We will see how the strategy performs for the rest of the season.

7. Kuppin Balls ↥

The roster should, with brand names, work well. Kupp's upside is capped by age and Puka… and Stafford’s injury.

8. Scumper’s Thumpers ↧

9. Hurts Hill & Johnson LLC ↥

Am I crazy? What a resurgence.

10. Fuck Chris Spray ↥

Another RB heavy team. While they can lead from the front few pieces help the team to gain momentum to the top.

11. Daddy ↥

A fight was put up against the Cucks but a limited roster upside will hurt his odds going forward.

12. Actual Real Emergencies ↧

Sorry bud :(

Jeers and Tears


1. Screamin Mean Queen put a screenshot of his score against Hiff Clangers in his spank bank.

2. New name new team, happy resurgence to Hurts Hill & Johnson LLC

3. Fuck Chris Spray squeaks one out in the toilet bowl of the week.


1. Squirtlocker with a season-low this week :(

2. Pete started using Fortnite emotes.

3. Hiff Clangers proved to be beatable.

4. Commisioner has turned dark.

Biggest Winners and Losers

🏆- I’d say Hurts Hill & Johnson! 2Ws in a row keeps them alive.

🏆- the commish gets a big win over #1.

🏆- Kuppin' Balls is also on that 3W win steak!

🚽- Actual Real Emergencies, with that loss their playoff hopes look like just that, hope.

🚽- Milky Cream took a painful loss.

🚽- Squirtlocker and Daddy with painful QB play, I’ve been there my guys.

Guest Matchup Picker: Bryce Maurer from Kuppin' Balls

Kuppin’ Balls (4-5) Vs. Actual Real Emergencies (1-8)

Betting Lines: KUB -180, ARE +170

Kuppin’ Balls are coming off a 3-week win streak and feeling very good about themselves. Actual Real Emergencies have been hurting all season, but their saving grace has been a few key players in limited positions…cough cough Kelce cough cough…but he is gonna be doing another form of balling out this week so Christian is going to be without his best player. Give me Kuppin’ Balls to continue their win streak, though it may be closer than either party would like.

Kuppin' Balls Vs. Actual Real Emergencies

  • Kuppin' Balls

  • Actual Real Emergencies

Scumper’s Thumpers (4-5) Vs. Hurts Hill and Johnson LLC (4-5)

Betting Lines: SCTH -200, HHJ +180

Everyone had counted Eric’s team out of it and were even calling into question his intentions (of course, he’s in the Maurer family circle of deceit, so people will always question us), but he continues to prove all the phonies and frauds wrong. All that being said, without Jalen Hurts (or another QB option), I cannot see a world where Scumps loses. So, with a little bit of “Daddy” luck (IE Hurts on a bye), Scumps gets back to .500 on the season.

Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Hurts Hill and Johnson LLC

  • Scumper's Thumpers

  • Hurts Hill & Johnson LLC

Fuck Chris Spray (3-6) vs. Hiff Clangers (7-2)

Betting Lines: FCS +480, HCL -450

Branden wipes the fucking floor with Beef. We all knew Beef was in trouble when he got pumped about getting Lazard for so cheap off the waivers a few weeks ago…woof.

Fuck Chris Spray Vs. Hiff Clangers

  • Fuck Chris Spray

  • Hiff Clangers

Le Squirtlocker (6-3) vs. Milky Cream Dream Team (4-5)

Betting Lines: LSQ -186, MCDT +205

This is going to be a close one, and for me almost borders on the game of the week. In a lot of ways, this could be a big game as the season moves on when thinking about playoff contenders. Milky’s team is starting to curdle into cottage cheese, and Squirt was just the most recent victim of, for all intents and purposes, a bad week of fantasy football. Squirt pulls out a win, having just slightly better advantages at every position (except perhaps QB).

Le Squirtlocker Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team

  • Le Squirtlocker

  • Milky Cream Dream Team

Purdy Cheeks (4-5) vs. Daddy (4-5)

Betting Lines: PUR -238, DAD +312

Boy oh boy, if you would have told me at the beginning of the year that Daddy and Purdy Cheeks would have had the same record coming into week 10, I would have slapped you on your little mouth. Daddy’s birthday wish must have been on a different type of fantasy this week, because he lost to Satan incarnate on his birthday. Daddy’s luck got him to stay out of last place so far, but Purdy Cheek’s team is just better. Cheeks pulls off the win to move toward .500 on the season.

Purdy Cheeks Vs. Daddy

  • Purdy Cheeks

  • Daddy


Fight’n GameCucks (7-2) vs. Screamin Mean QUEEN (6-3)

Betting Lines: FGC +290, SMQ -210

In many ways, this week is a big one for both teams. Cucks need to make a point, after two very close weeks with lower-ranked opponents, while QUEENS continue to be a consistent force to be reckoned with. At the end of the day, the Cucks don't have what it takes to maintain that #2 spot. I see a big win by the QUEENS this week.

Fight'n GameCucks Vs. Screamin' Mean QUEEN

  • Fight'n GameCucks

  • Screamin' Mean QUEEN

League Rumors and Conspiracies

  • Pete was adopted from the Arthur Smith family.

  • Commissioner Spray is secretly the biggest fleecer.

  • Conor is working with the NFL on the script.

  • Half of us still have no idea what the other looks like.

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Nov 07, 2023
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