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  • Writer's pictureNicholas Vichinsky

NFFL Newsletter: Weeks 12 and 13

Morning Thoughts

Just remember $460 dollars is on the line! Or, if you lose, another $150 toward a jersey :)

Commissioner's Corner


2 weeks left in the normal season here. 

2 weeks left of showing your true colors.

2 weeks until 6 of us start counting down the days til next NFFL season.

My only wish this week for this group, is that we don’t soften up. Remember that though the stack rank shows you perhaps not where you wish to be, those people up top? Their ‘points against’ prove that they are nothing but measly men of luck Think of them like a bunch of hot streak riding, tarot card reading - fun suckers. Where are the bold and beautiful Conor H’s of the world? Where are the creative crafty Bryce’s?

For those of us not safe from the toilet bowl, just remember… the grass is really only greener where you water it.


Commish Spray

Power Rankings

1. Hiff Clangers ↦

Despite the underperforming week, a W is a W.

2. Fight’n GameCucks ↥

The Cucks had a short-lived stint at #3 but with Kyren back and 2 top 10 QBs, they look primed for a playoff run.

3. Le Squirtlocker ↧

A dreadful week for Le Locker. He has the firepower, it comes down to consistency down the stretch.

4. Scumper’s Thumpers ↦

This will be a big week for the #4 spot between Dean and Me, but now that I have a better record AND I beat him already this year.

5. Milky Cream Dream Team ↥

The things I said last week can still be applied. Cons run at the playoffs may be a scary one. I do not want to run into him at the wrong time.

5. Screamin' Mean Queen ↧

Dean's RB room is hurting him.

7. Purdy Cheeks ↦

Very nice boom week and he continues to have a shot at the playoffs.

8. Kuppin’ Balls ↦

Very nice boom week and he continues to have a shot at the playoffs.

9. Fuck Fantasy Football ↥

I'll say it, I actually like Crit's team. I think the end of the season holds hope.

10. Fuck Chris Spray ↧

10. Daddy ↦

I think FCS and Daddy have very similar firepower and I am currently not sure how to differentiate the two.

12. Hurts Hill & Johnson LLC ↦

Jeers and Tears


  1. Despite having the lowest score in a victory, #1 remains #1.

  2. Scumper's Thumpers has a 3W streak.

  3. Milky Cream DreamTeam is on a 2W streak!

  4. Big QB Week this week, Hurts, Allen, and Dak all made a significant difference in their matchups.

  5. There are still a lot of significant variations in playoff matchups.


  1. Commish is on a 3W losing streak, the largest in the league.

  2. Despite scoring 150 points this week, Commissioner Spray dropped to 5th place heading into the second to last week of the season.

  3. Crit, if he had played 6 out of the other 11 teams in the league, would have won his match-up.

Thanksgiving Superlative Winners

Wildest Turkey 🦃 (Wildcard to get in the Playoffs)

Bryce Maurer (100%)

Mashed Potatoes 🥔 (Lock for the Playoffs)

Branden Knorr (75%)

The Stuffing (Everyone wonders why it's there)

Commish Spray (75%)

The Pumpkin Pie (League favorite to win) 🥧

Branden Knorr (75%)

The Candied Yams (Looks great but will be disappointed ) 🍠

Pete Maurer (75%)

The Cranberry Sauce (Most likely to "Win" Toilet Bowl)

Ryan Beadle (75%)

The Aunt Carol (Biggest stick up their ass) 🧑‍🦰

4-way tie...

- Nick S

- Bryce


- Crit

The Grandpa (The Grumpiest, Doesn't Engage, Yet Loved)🧓

Ryan Beadle (75%)

The Grandmother's Kiss (You hate to love)😘

Bryce Maurer (75%)

Path to the Playoffs

(Easiest Path)

  1. Hiff Clangers - CLINCHED

  2. Fight'n GameCucks - CLINCHED

  3. Le Squirtlocker (99%) - Win Out OR Win 1/2

  4. Scumper's Thumpers (92%) - Win Out OR Win 1/2

  5. Screamin' Mean QUEEN (77%) - Win out OR Win 1/2 games with a Purdy Cheeks / Dream Team Loss

  6. Purdy Cheeks (52%) - Win Out or Win 1/2 with Commish dropping both.

  7. Milky Cream Dream Team (52%) - Win Out OR Win 1/2 outscoring Zach OR Win 1/2 with both Screamin' Mean Queen / Purdy Cheeks losing both.

  8. Kuppin' Balls (23%) - Win Out AND Purdy Cheeks, Dream Team, or Screamin' Mean Queen lose 1/2.

  9. Daddy (4%) - Win Out AND Kuppin' Balls, Purdy Cheeks, Dream Team, or Sreamin' Mean Queen Lose 2/2

  10. Fuck Chris Spray - ELIMINATED

  11. Hurts Hill & Johnson LLC - ELIMINATED

  12. Fuck Fantasy Football - ELIMINATED

Guest Matchup Picker: Zach Montague from Purdy Cheeks

Daddy vs Hiff Clangers

Daddy is hoping to keep his dreams alive of making it to the playoffs. Unfortunately, he has to face a team notorious for scoring plenty of points. With Daddy scoring around 100 every week, he just doesn’t have the firepower to match Hiff Clangers. Hiff Clangers win, and Daddy gets knocked out of the playoff race.

Daddy Vs. Hiff Clangers

  • Daddy

  • Hiff Clangers

Kuppin’ Balls vs Hurts Hill and Johnson LLC

Kuppin’ Balls have come on strong in the second half of the season, rebuilding a stronger team and pushing for the playoffs. Hurts Hill has had a rough few weeks and looks for some momentum heading into the toilet bowl. Kuppin’ Balls take the win and keep the playoff hopes alive for week 14.

Kuppin' Balls Vs. Hurts Hill & Johnson LLC

  • Kuppin' Balls

  • Hurts Hill & Johnson LLC

Fuck Chris Spray Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team

While this matchup seems one-sided on paper, Milky Cream has to bench 3 starters for their Bye week giving FCS a chance to take the win. It’ll come down to how FCS’s Wide Receivers can perform this week. Despite having to bench 3 starters, Milky Cream takes the win.

Fuck Chris Spray Vs. Milky Cream Dream Team

  • Fuck Chris Spray

  • Milky Cream Dream Team

Fight’n GameCucks Vs. Fuck Fantasy Football

GameCucks have been a boom-or-bust team this season, leading many to wonder if they are frauds? FFF has had fairly consistent point production throughout the entire season. With GameCucks clinching a spot in the playoffs, this is now a rivalry between two brothers. GameCucks show they aren’t frauds and take the win against FFF this week.

Fight'n GameCucks Vs. Fuck Fantasy Football

  • Fight'n GameCucks

  • Fuck Fantasy Football

🌟 GotW: Scumper’s Thumpers Vs. Screamin’ Mean QUEEN

Both teams have the potential to make the playoffs, but for those on the outside of playoffs looking in, the outcome of this game can help or hurt their chances. Scumper’s Thumpers has benefitted from the return of Kyler Murray, and has had dominant play from the rest of his team. Queens have thrived off of a scary Wide Receiver duo, but now must face this week without Stefon Diggs. With running backs in question for the Queens, Scumper’s Thumpers takes the win this week and puts the Queen's playoff chances in serious jeopardy going into week 14.

Scumper's Thumpers Vs. Screamin' Mean QUEEN

  • Scumper's Thumpers

  • Screamin' Mean QUEEN

Purdy Cheeks Vs. Le Squirtlocker

Squirt is going into this week with most of his team on a Bye Week. While he should be able to field a team, the question becomes how will that team perform? Purdy Cheeks is coming 2 straight wins and looks to take advantage of Squirt’s team. After a disappointing loss to the GameCucks last week, Squirt suffers another loss to Purdy Cheeks and he stays in the hunt for a playoff spot.

Purdy Cheeks Vs. Le Squirtlocker

  • Purdy Cheeks

  • Le Squirtlocker

Overall Picker Rankings

1.Branden Knorr (6-0)

2. Peter Maurer - (5-1)

3. Ryan Beadle (4-2)

4. Zach Montague - (3-3)

4. Crit Maurer (3-3)

5. Bryce Maurer (3-3)

6. Nick Sowell - (2-4)

League Rumors and Conspiracies

  • Beadle is tanking in hopes of getting Caleb Williams next year.

  • Pete will buy an OJ Simpson Jersey if he wins.

  • Nick's new sales job will be the reason he gets knocked out of the playoffs.

  • Eric will buy the Jersey so long as he does not come in last.

  • Zach Montague's season is prophesized by Shakespeare.

Fantasy Football Meme of the Week

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